I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
