i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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