I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
