When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
