I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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