My nipple is on Facebook.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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