Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
