I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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