My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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