and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this just has baby written all over it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
