I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
