Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
