Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
