i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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