Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my shit smells like andre
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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