You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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