We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
