I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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