I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
