just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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