So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
