hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
