Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
