It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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