She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
