I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
