what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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