I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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