If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
