Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
