either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
