Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
