So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
