We're like a lot better than the average bears
wrigley field is MILF paradise
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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