My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am one with the molecules
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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