when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
