I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
