i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
