please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
