Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
