It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
