defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
