I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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