i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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