he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
