i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
