I wish I only lived at night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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