I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize