: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
where am i from again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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