Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
