ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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