Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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