i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
