it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
