If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
