The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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