Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
