I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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