3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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