can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
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