So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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