rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
